Dr. Byron Ricks, Episode 36: Growing Up Without a Father
Dr. Ricks began by talking about his upbringing without a father:
“I grew up in Chicago — mainly the west side of Chicago — and I was a latchkey kid, single-parent welfare recipient and gang-infested neighborhoods, and it was just not an easy life,” said Dr. Ricks. “I was always driven by what I didn’t want to do: I didn’t want to be in a gang, I didn’t want to be on drugs, I didn’t want to be stealing cars, I didn’t want to do the activities that a lot of people in the environment that I grew up in were doing. So I did other things … I used to love to read; my mother was an avid reader. And I went to Catholic school, [which] sheltered me from that environment. The nuns within [Catholic school] kept us really busy.”
In his book, Searching for Dad, Dr. Ricks elaborates on the nine side effects of growing up fatherless:
- Identity Crisis
- Silent Anger
- A Need to Belong
- Understanding Your Value
- Misunderstanding Character
- Lack of Respect
- The Void
- A Lopsided View of Sex
- Not Enough Love
In the interview, he described his personal experience with identity crisis.
“I remember when I was growing up, I would look in the mirror and wasn’t looking for the characteristics of my mother,” said Dr. Ricks. “I was looking for the characteristics of my father but didn’t have a father. I didn’t have a picture of a father at that time, and I just didn’t know who I was. When I talk to young men and even grown man, they share that sentiment about that identity crisis. Who am I really? I don’t know the entire essence of who I am. I know my mother’s people, but I don’t know my father’s people.”
He also elaborated on the difference between being male and being a man.
“You’re born male, but you’re a man based on the decisions you make, how you treat women, how you treat other people, the responsibilities that you take upon yourself, and how you conduct yourself in our society.”
Dr. B Good asked him the tough question of how boys whose trust was broken by their fathers as children learn to regain trust again. Dr. Ricks admitted he didn’t have an answer to the question but offered insightful remedies based on his personal experience rebuilding trust:
“I had some men in my life that I mimicked myself after. One was my Uncle Rufus. So is there uncle? Is there an older brother? Is there another male? Is there a mentor from school?
Is there a school coach? Is there some program in which you can put him that allows him to interact with a man that makes manly decisions?”
Dr. Ricks is just one of the dozens of guest Dr. B Good has hosted on her podcast. Check out more of Dr. B Good’s featured episodes below and stay tuned for new episodes from the RNCN studios!
